Queenie, I am 25 years old and have been married 1 year and 2 months. The man I am married to was the most amazing guy I had ever met before we married. About 1 month after we were married, I went to visit my family he thought I would stay the night as they live 180 miles away. I decided to come home, and his ex girlfriend called our house at 12:30 in the morning.
This is when all of the deceit began. Since then there have been numerous times I have found out he has been on phone chat lines, posting personal ads on the internet – all of which he says is done strictly out of boredom. The personal ads said he is looking for a discreet relationship, but he says he just finds it fun to see what kind of response he would get and that he would never act on any of it.
Basically the last year of our lives feels as though it has been in constant turmoil. I take my marriage vows very seriously, but I know at some point I need to make my happiness the priority. Currently we are seperated for the 2nd time.
During our first seperation (only about 1 month) my husband begged and pleaded for me to come home, that life can be different for us and he wants to make everything right with me, even calling my father to apologize for how he has treated me. About 1-2 months later after I moved back into our home he told me he thinks I need to move out because he does not know if he wants to be married and he needs time apart to decide this.
After I found out about other things going on behind my back I did move out and we have been seperated for 3 months. I have signed a 6 month lease, so we have 3 more months. My husband told me that in 2 months he will let me know his decision on whether or not he wants to be married he just needs time to make the right decision. (This is one issue he has been dealing with for about 9 months and seems no closer to a decision today!)
I feel like my life is wasting away. Since the last time I found out he called the phone line he says he learned from things that time and would never do such things again, but I have no trust in him and he figured out how I was finding everything out again so I know chances of me finding out if he is still doing any of this, the chance is slim to none.
I don’t know anymore when to say I have had enough. I keep finding other things but he always says “Well that was before I told you for the last time I would stop!” My life is constant turmoil. WE went to one marriage counseling appointment where he would not really truly participate and made jokes about it afterwards. I told him without marriage counseling we will not make it but it is absolutely not a priority to him. Queenie am I an idiot for taking my vows this seriously? When do you say enough? Please help!
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He’s going to let YOU know if HE wants to remain married? Well, isn’t that special! Why don’t YOU tell HIM you’ll decide if YOU want to remain married to HIM and then make the decision that makes you feel best about yourself.
He doesn’t respect you or his marriage vows. Why waste any more of your time on a man who doesn’t understand the meaning of commitment? Okay, I admit that’s pretty strong but he doesn’t seem to be showing any signs of being the type of guy you could build a long term future with. — Queenie