I married a man who when I met him was separated from his wife. He said he was not happy in the relationship and that she did want to give it a go except he wanted to be with me, now three years into our relationship we are married with a baby I found out he has been in contact with her the whole time, even sending her gifts and a picture of our baby.
She emailed me proof of all the emails he sent her and she knows many intimate details of our life including some of the bad arguments we have had. She said he still tells her he loves her and that he always finds a way to keep in contact with her with hope that they may be together in the future.
He said she emailed me out of revenge because he had left her for me. He said that the reason he kept calling her was because he felt guilty for leaving her and worried about her as she is not living a very good life. I also found out that A few months before we got married when I was away he slept with her, and never told me.
After I found all this out I planned to leave the marriage, except two months later a counsellor suggested I give it six months to be sure and told me it was not a big deal since they were just talking. The problem is I feel like I may be wasting my time with someone that did not care about my feelings. I feel used and mistreated.
He swears he has learnt his leason and he made a big mistake except I feel like I do not know him at all. I have always felt like he compared me to her. Now I do not trust him at all! I know I was not happy before we married do you think I ever will be, is it time to move on? Thank you. — Jane
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Jane, trust is very important in any relationship and it’s understandable why you have lost your trust for this man. Unfortunately, leaving him is not quite so simple now that the two of you are parents. You have to decide if your pride at being deceived can be repaired enough to want to trust him now.
He was stupid. Is he over his stupidity? Are you willing to spend a little more time and give him one more chance? I won’t make light of what he’s done, I think it is a big deal. Maybe he has changed. Maybe he hasn’t. Can you spend just enough time to be absolutely certain which it is?
Good luck. This is a decision only you can make. — Queenie