Dear Queenie, I met this guy (Tom) six years ago, very intense, we got on well, I loved everything about and same back. Tom is now 47 and I am 35. He is divorced (bitter) and 2 daughters.
In the past, I had been through a cheating relationship (never wanted to enter into another untrustworthy relationship). We’ve fell out in the past but always got back.
We both had busy life schedules. I told Tom this guy asked me out and Tom asked if I liked him etc. I said yes, because he was nice and attractive. Tom replied with “well if you want to go with him, its your decision”, I said ok, but I was abit taken aback with Tom’s reply. However, the next morning I texted Tom and told him I loved no-one else but him, he said good and he felt the same.
Three weeks later Tom dumped me – He still loves me. He is still in love with me. He still fancies me. He loves everything about me. I make him happy BUT… because I had to decide between him and this other guy he could not accept. There was DOUBT….
I tried to reassure him he was the guy for me, but he has said there is no point, there was doubt. I asked him to take into consideration, this is the first time in 6 years this has happened to me and Tom won and the fact I thought it was the BEST POLICY TO BE HONEST – I think if you know everything in a relationship a solid foundation is built which leads to strong love and fun.
He has told me its over and time to move on! but he still loves me. he is still in love with me. he still fancies me and he is unhappy without me.
I feel so strong and right about this relationship and I practically begged to think about it again. He replied each time its pointless. How can he manage to walk away like this? and how do I deal with him?
……………………………….
No doubt he was very hurt by the fact that you wanted to date someone else. After thinking about it some more he realized that you had doubts. You did have doubts or you wouldn’t have considered dating someone else.
I think your relationship has reached a plateau where it needs another step, either up into commitment or down into the dating pool for the both of you. You “jogged” the relationship into some kind of action and that’s good. Now it’s time to give “Tom” some space and let him figure out just how important you are to him. Move on… let him see that you’re moving on as he keeps telling you to do.
If the two of you are “meant to be” he will make a move to get back with you and at that point there may be a solid commitment for the future. If he doesn’t come back, he was looking for a reason to walk away. At least, that’s my opinion. — Queenie