Dear Queenie, I have been involved with a person (a lady), and have been very good to her financially and just as a friend and confidante. I have always been there for her, to run errands, buy food and generally been there at her beck and call.
I thought i saw many untapped things in her, and she had been mistreated and dogged most of her life. She just got off drugs, and in a recovery facility, and having been in the same position myself I was trying to help. But now communications are not being made and I feel hurt and abandoned.
What do I do to let her know I am hurt. I still care a lot for her, just as a friend, and enjoy dialogue and the time we have had together. I am really in a quandry. Please help. — Desperate
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It sounds as though you have been a very good friend to this lady when she was most in need of a good friend. That’s a plus for you, particularly if you did these things without expecting a payback of some kind.
There could be a few things happening right now. She may be embarrassed at having accepted your generosity and not being able to repay you, whether or not you are asking for repayment. She may feel that she is obligated to give back more than she is willing to give. She may be trying to put that former life behind her and that could include those people from that life. She may think you want more than just friendship from her.
I don’t know why she isn’t staying in contact and it would be foolish to speculate. I suggest that you send her an email or a short note or otherwise make contact with her to say that you miss having her as a friend and hope that you didn’t do something to hurt her feelings or otherwise hurt the friendship the two of you shared.
She has been going through some very difficult times and if you do decide to contact her as I have suggested, don’t keep pushing, let her respond in her own time and in her own way. That’s what I think. — Queenie