My husband and I have been together for 11 years and married for 5 years in a few months. The problem is we hardly every have sex anymore. I talk to him about it all the time in fact probably too much now.
Everything about him is wonderful, we share the same believe systems about the world our environment people and animals everything that is important to us. We spend all our spare time together and are very much in love I would say even we have a much more intense love now that when we first got married.
When I ask him what the problem is he says he doesn?t know, that he wants to make love to me, that he’s attracted to me but there seems to be some invisible barrier, he also seems to find an excuse not to do anything.
I’ve threatened to leave and even once left but I get confused and wonder if I should just give up worrying about sex as the rest of our relationship is very good. He has no problems with intimacy and cuddles and touches me a lot. The thing is I am now 37 and we want to have children I’ve had 3 miscarriages in the last 11 years I don?t know what to do.
If I left him I would be leaving the person I care about most in the world and would also be giving up the chance to have children together. If I stay Im stuck in a sexless marriage forever. When I talk to him he promises to make it better we will end up making love but it will be another month or more before I get fed up and have to bring it up again.
NB for the record I’ve given up initiating sex as he has pushed me away so many times I cant bare it anymore.
Any suggestions would be helpful, Im running out of ways to try talking to him.
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You say that everything about him is wonderful but if you’ve threatened to leave your marriage if the sexual aspect doesn’t improve, then it isn’t so wonderful. Having to force him into making love to you does no good to you or to him.
If children are your only need then adoption could be the answer. You would provide one or more needy children with the home they so desperately require and they would provide you with the children you want.
If, however, you absolutely have to have biological children and you aren’t willing to settle for a marriage with intimacy and common interests but no sex, then perhaps marriage counseling is your next step after your husband has been thoroughly checked by a doctor to make sure that he doesn’t have a physical problem.
We all have choices. If nothing changes within your marriage, you can choose to leave. Or you can choose to stay and accept the limitations within your relationship. I’m glad the choice isn’t mine to make because I don’t know what I would choose. — Queenie