Dear Queenie, I am going through a rather heartbreaking moment in time at the moment. My relationship with the father of my children is falling apart. We have seperated for the last 5 months and during that time he has gone from family guy to another person.
It is about what he wants. He is 38 and has his own business. We seperated to give each other space to sort out what was going wrong. So far i have dealt with him being involved in drugs, missing time with his children, being more social with single men and new male friends. He spends a large portion of his time on cars and socializing. He has changed.
During this time we had an understanding that we would be faithful and if anything should arise we would be honest (i asked for this). We have been intimate with each other during this time. After sleeping with each other i asked him if he had been unfaithful he replied no and then i asked if he had kissed anyone after several attempts he admitted he had got in a situation and kissed a girl half his age and could have led it further but could’nt because he loves me.
What do i do. I don’t want to go back if he is using me as a sfety net. Please advise as my heart is breaking.
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You don’t indicate if this is a long-term relationship or a marriage. It shouldn’t make a difference, but it does because he has more to lose in a divorce than by just breaking up with you even if there are children involved.
He’s walking through the door of middle age. It’s a time that many people take a look at what they have and decide they want something different. They change. Their changes can wreck havoc on their relationships because many times their partner or spouse has no clue what’s going on until major damage is done.
If the two of you have agreed to separate and give each other space, I find it logically very difficult to expect each other to remain faithful. And, if you’re giving each other space but still having sex, then you’re not really giving each other space to figure things out.
I’m starting to sound like a broken record but, you need to visit The Midlife Club and read, read, read. He may be making some middle age changes, but they’ll turn into crisis for you if you’re not prepared for whatever happens. ~ Queenie