I am 23, blonde, tall, and reasonably attractive. The biggest success in my life was taking second runner-up in a California beauty pageant two years ago. I throw that in to show I’m not an ugly duckling, but I’m not a supermodel either.


My problem is this. I have not been dating anyone for 10 months. This is by far the longest I have gone without a boyfriend, and I’m getting nervous. My most recent relationship ended last October. I’ve had a boyfriend every summer for as long as I can remember, but it’s almost September and I’m still single.

My parents say it’s because I?m in no position to meet anyone. My full-time job is teaching at a preschool. My other job, part-time, is at a funeral home, and it’s a little stiff there. I only meet parents and little kids at school, and I don’t meet anyone at the funeral home.

I do go out, but I’m not the type to approach someone and get a number. I’m not shy either. People have suggested I not look and ‘he will come.’ So I told myself I wasn’t going to look, and I’d be patient. Well it’s been the whole summer, I’m not looking and he’s not coming! Now I’ve decided although I said I wasn’t looking, secretly I was, so now I’m officially not looking for real this time. Still I have no luck.

My sisters have been helping me out here and listening to me vent. They agree I am now unapproachable. I don’t smile enough, make enough eye contact, or act confident enough to attract the guys. I told my mom this, and she agreed. She said guys think I am untouchable, and they shouldn’t waste their time. Any thoughts?

Paige

Paige, not looking for a guy is like trying not to think about a white elephant. The harder you try, the more you do. The unapproachable quality people see is your angst showing.

You can’t shop for love the way you shop for socks. Meeting the man you can spend your life with has more in common with seeing a shooting star. Another way to think about ‘not looking’ is being ‘more you’ than you have ever been. No gimmick, technique, or contrivance will ever show anyone who you are.

Being yourself forces you to shine your light. You need to do the things that make you smile and lighten your step. Those things that generate your inner light. Now you are anxious. What do you want to be? Happy, content, fulfilled, self-confident. When you are those things, that man will see your light. And approach.

Tamara