Should Friends Become Lovers?

I have been seeing a guy that ive known for years as a friend, we had both had pretty bad experiences prior to our getting together, we have found that we enjoy spending time together and there is and always has been an attraction between us that we had never acted on untill now.

he has been out of his relationship of 13 years for now 2 years and i have been out of my relationship of 4 years for 1-1/2. so we havnt rushed into n e thing. we have been seeing each other for 8 months. we have been fairly quiet about it as we both have children that know each other and do not wish them to get hurt in n e way.

how do we go from that scenario from friends to lovers? i would appreciate some advice, i really like this guy and we have become very close but it sometimes feels as if its a safe place for both of us without too much commitment.

im not a sill lady! but how can i show him how i feel without scaring him away. i get all the right signals from him and we get on very well together, its not just sex! we spend much time together and txt and speak all the time, but neither of us will actually talk about the feeling stuff. how can i do this? should friends become lovers?


You already are lovers. I think your question is how do you become committed lovers. If you are in a friends-with-benefits relationship “without too much commitment” that leaves the door open for someone new to come in and take one of you into a committed relationship that leaves the other out. That’s not such a safe place to be if you want more.

If you’re having sex, I think you’re already showing him how you feel if he’s the only man you’re dating. If you’re dating others or looking for others to date then this tells him he’s not particularly special.

If he’s dating or open to dating others while still being intimate with you then he’s telling you that you’re not particularly special.

All relationships progress to the point where another step needs to be taken. You’re there now because you want commitment — you want to be more than a “friend with benefits” or a booty call. Maybe he wants the same thing but doesn’t know how to approach you about it.

It’s time to talk about feelings. You don’t want to spend more time in limbo thinking that with enough time this will evolve into commitment then find out he never wanted more than what there is now. Ask him if he wants to be in a committed relationship with you; this is the new age, women can ask. If he likes things as they are, uncomplicated and uncommitted, let him know how you feel.

Either he loves you enough to take you off the market, or he doesn’t. You need to know. ~ Pat