I am 20 years old and not living with my parents right now, but I have problems with them. I am gay and still not outed, but I think my parents know this. The problem is they are very conservative and don’t accept such “immoral” behavior.


I am a man with high moral values in life, aim to have a very good education, and would of course be happy if I could find a great love. But at the moment I am not happy.

I am handsome and a good student, but this doesn’t make me happy without love and caring. I am afraid to speak to my parents because I know how they would react. I am afraid to show someone I love him, because I was constantly told the behavior of gays is totally wrong and they are all crazy.

I think my parents, especially my mother, said this in order to change me. The problem is I wasn’t always gay. I was “made” gay by a man, when I was a child. He didn’t rape me, but he influenced me so much that since then I consider men as the object of my sexual and love life.

So I can’t have a normal relationship and be happy, because this would break the rules created by my parents. Please, could you give me some advice on what to do, how to overcome my fear, and how to live my own life. Best wishes!

Robert

Robert, we don’t see counseling as a panacea, but there are times when it can be extremely useful. This is what we suggest. Shop around for a counselor you feel comfortable with, and make sure it is someone who has no problem with being gay and no agenda about homosexuality.

With that person you need to explore what is going on here. Your parents have a problem with gays. You do, too. Are you attracted to men in the sense that it is deeply a part of your nature, or is there something to your statement that you feel you were “made” gay?

You need to first come to terms with who you are, and who you are not, before worrying about anyone else’s reaction. Once that is done, the next task will be bringing your inner world and your outer world into alignment.

Wayne & Tamara