Advice at FRIENDS & Lovers

‘Sexuality’

She’s involved with a married man and responding to an article I wrote about adultery. She says the situation is a win-win for her because she’s picky about who she has sex with, him because he gets good sex outside of his marriage, and his wife because she doesn’t have to be bothered. She wonders if a relationship in which the wife agrees to her husband having a girlfriend would still be considered adultery. Read more… »

Why would a man refuse to have sex with his wife? A woman wrote asking why I think her husband avoids having sex with her. Despite her attempts to be attractive, seductive, and encouraging a sexual relationship, her husband says they don’t “need to have sex in order to express love” for each other.
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A year ago, she filed for divorce to end their 15-year marriage but reconsidered when he promised that things would get better. They are now back to where they were and she again is thinking of divorce. She says the intimacy and romance ended when their children were born and he says there are more important things to worry about than the kindness and intimacy she says she needs.
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I suppose the title of this article is a bit misleading since I’m not going to suggest any one book about sexual technique is better than another. What I am suggesting is that if sexual needs and books on the subject were equated, “most” men and women would not be “reading” the same book.
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For some men, love and sex don’t mix. They save love and marriage for “good” women, and only enjoy sex with “bad” women.
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She says her husband is “one of the best human beings any person can meet.” There’s just one problem: he has no interest in sexual intimacy. She says that for the past several years they have had a “best friends” kind of marriage. She wonders if divorce is her only answer.
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Let’s suppose you are divorced, or are in the process of a divorce. There’s just one little problem, sex has never been a weak point in your marriage. As a matter of fact, it probably has been the only constantly good part of the relationship. What do you do?
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Is sex forcing you apart or keeping you together? While it’s true that sex alone probably is not a strong enough basis for a successful marriage, even the best of marriages will eventually suffer if the sex drives of the partners are unevenly matched.
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Is your spouse ‘super sexed’ or is he or she a sexual addict? Are his or her sexual needs causing problems in your marriage? Is sex with just you – no matter the frequency – simply not enough for him or her?
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A study of teenage sexual activity reveals that teens, and even some pre-teens, routinely engage in intimate sexual activities. When they don’t have vaginal intercourse, they consider they haven’t “had sex” with their partner. Their virginity is intact.
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Sex and love — or should it be the other way around? The first time I wrote the title to this article it was phrased “Love and Sex.” But we should all know by now that it takes a long time to develop a relationship into one of true love whereas a willing partner is generally the only prerequisite to having sex.
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I’ve never had children so I haven’t had to give the “sex talk.” However, having been raised to consider sex as a woman’s obligation and something that only “bad girls” did unless they were married, I would have been well prepared to discuss the subject with my own daughter.
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How does a woman who was too embarrassed to discuss sex with her husband approach the subject of safe sex when she begins dating after divorce? Some women don’t, only to find that their new sex partner has infected them with a painful STD or life-threatening disease.
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Some women continue to have sex with their ex-husband after divorce even if there’s no hope of reconciliation. In some cases they feel degraded after every sexual encounter.
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Jumping into the dating pool after divorce can be extremely confusing particularly for the woman who has been in a long term marriage. It may seem that the dating rules have changed, and they have to some extent, but when it comes to sex and the newly divorced woman, common sense applies.
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