Advice at FRIENDS & Lovers

‘Abuse And Addictions’

They’ve been married for four years and have a young son. She says her husband’s alcohol abuse is ruining their marriage. She wanted my advice.
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She says her husband is cruel and vicious, accuses her of things he knows she hasn’t done, and never takes the blame for any of their marital problems. Over their 22-year relationship, he has cheated multiple times, divorcing her twice to marry the other woman only to cheat during those marriages with her. Their current marriage is ending and she can’t figure out why he treats her so badly when she’s always there when he needs her.
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Forcing a spouse to engage in sexual activities against their will is sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is not about love nor is it about enjoying the sex act. Sexual abuse is about one person controlling another in one of the most emotionally damaging acts possible.
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His wife has been physically and verbally abusive for the 15 years they have been married. Despite counseling her behaviors have not changed and he feels marriage is over. She has made threats if he goes through with a divorce and has told him he wants out because he’s having a midlife crisis. He’s worried about the children and wonders what he should do.
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Is sex on demand the price a wife pays for being married? Does a husband have the right to force his wife to have sex when he’s in the mood even if she’s not? At what point does the sex act turn into rape?
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Children learn from their environment. Living with a father who is abusive to their mother teaches them that abuse is acceptable. They believe it’s a normal way that husbands and wives relate to each other. They may grow up to abuse their spouse or they may grow up and marry an abuser. Either way, they continue the cycle of abuse and then pass it along to their children.
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I’m amazed at the number of reality television programs that continue to make it to air time based on nothing more than the premise that we all want to see what goes on in the lives of people not quite as ordinary as ourselves.
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I accompanied my husband on one of his trips to the neighboring county courthouse and waited as he took care of recording some documents he needed for his business.
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At a business meeting, I refused to let one of the men in attendance take control of the meeting I was chairing. We had an exchange of words, and, when he didn’t get his way, he walked out of the meeting. I was glad I hadn’t been intimidated or allowed him to take control as he has been known to do in similar meetings.
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It’s easier to recognize abuse when it involves physical violence. Hitting, punching, beating leave marks that are obvious. If the person being abused is seeking help, the marks are obvious evidence to the abuse.
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Domestic violence is more than a husband hitting his wife or a wife battering her husband. It can turn quite deadly as it did when a wife ran over her husband for looking at another woman, or a man fatally shot his young daughter before killing himself.
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Abuse takes a thousand forms. It touches our lives every day, whether it’s occurring in our house, the house next door, or the house across the city. Pick up today’s newspaper. There will be a story of abuse somewhere within the pages.
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“All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest — never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.” — Ann Landers.
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Even though there may be potential good effects marijuana might provide when used for the right reasons, I’m going to focus on the negative aspects of pot smoking. That won’t endear me to pot smokers of the world but that’s fine.
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She is 25, has a 3-year old daughter, and has been married for four years to a man who promised he would quit smoking pot when they got married. His habit has turned from weekend toking to everyday use. She can’t make him give up the pot so she is going to file for divorce and wonders how to tell him that she’s leaving.
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